I'm here for you
by Stranger-of-the-void
Summary: a little story about how deep old memmories can hurt. Allen remembered after a mission how he has killed Mana and his feelings about it. Can Lavi help him to make clear that he isn't a murderer ? Lavi x Allen, only hints of yaoi
1. Chapter 1

"Watch out, Rabi!!!" shouted Allen, while sparks of an Akuma shot sprayed up beside him.

With a curse on his lips, Rabi jumped back and pulled out his hammer. He had been on a mission to find Innocence, however, as they had found it, they were attacked absolutely abruptly by an Akuma which had probably waited to attack until they had found the Innocence.

Both whirled around and attacked it, recovered from the near miss.

While Rabi ran further and furthed from the shots, Allen reached to

the Akuma from the back end and fired on it, however, the Akuma could still make its way towards Rabi and attacked him once more! // Shit, just die already!! // thought Rabi .Usually, he and Allen could easily destroy a level 2 Akuma without big problems, however, this one ... was stubborn.

He slid by the remains of the destroyed houses and shouted, "Now Allen !!!"

Distacted by Rabi's shout, the Akuma turned for a split second before it turned back to Allen- this one moment was long enough for Allen to attack it. The Akuma exploded in a garish light.

"Done!" said Allen, exhausted, and deactivated his arm. He sat down on a conveniently placed piece of remains.

"Damn, that stupid Komui!!" Rabi snarled, despite himself. "He said that NO Akumas would appear this time!! That bullet would have singed my head just now!! "

"Calm down, Rabi." smiled Allen and wiped a few strands of hair from his face "Everything went nicely, didn't it? "

Rabi paused and thought about it. He sighed. Allen was right, even if he didn't want to admit it. "Nicely ... this time ... " he rumbled and crossed his arms behind his head; however, in the middle of the movement he stopped and listened in.

A quiet noise, thinly and pitifully, sounding almost flat echoed amoung the he mistaken or did he hear wines? It seemed to come from the remains of the destroyed house....

"Tell me, did you hear that also?"

Allen nodded and put his hands behind his ears. "Sounds like a small child ..."

It had to be an inhabitant of a house, destroyed now, which had not been killed. As the cry began again, they ran into the remains. It sounded like it was coming from under a wooden beam and broken glass.

"There! In front of us!! " Called Allen and ran on to a bigger piece of the remains. " It's here!!! " he shouted to Rabi, who was a little behind him.

A small boy with brown hair was sitting in front of the fragment. He wore torn and muddy clothes and stared at the sky, tears running over his face. Allen and Rabi looked at it helplessly.... Why was he crying?

"D .... Da-a .. ddy .... " It whispered. "D..addy has become a monster ...... "

Allen gasped. Then the Akuma that they had destroyed before had been the father of this boy ?

He felt sick. Slowly, he kneeled beside the child on the ground and looked up at Rabi,who looked helpless and confused. " What should we do now?? We can't leave the child here." Rabi sighed.

Allen nodded once and tried to meet the boy's eyes. "Hey .... are you alright?? Does something hurt you?? " It was a ridiculous question he knew, however, he just didn't know what they should do with the child....

The boy did not react at all at first, even when Allen moved his hand before the child's face to and fro, but suddenly he looked up. He raised his muddy face and just stared at first, then suddenly he noticed Allen who was kneeling directly beside him; frozen.

His face become distorted in a way as Rabi had never seen. And the eyes ....... from them there shone a shining fury. "You!!!! You ... you have killed my father .... you monster!!! You both are monsters!!! " Then he spat in Allen's face.

Stuned, Rabi stepped back and shouted: "Hey what are you doing?! We just saved your life, you snotty little brat!!! Say, are you alright, Allen?" No reaction.

"Allen ...?" Confused, he took in Allen, still kneeling directly beside the boy, the spittle runned down his cheek . His face had turned white, his silver-grey eyes had widened and glazed, so that you could see the reflection of the child in it.

Words of long ago resounded again and again in Allen's head .... // You have him killed ...... you have him killed .... you have killed your father.... You murderer!!!!! //

The little boy in front of him became blurred, everything became black, and suddenly he saw himself as a 10-year-old,brown-haired boy on a wide, dark suface which was lit only by the ghostly light of a red moon.

He had a glove on his left hand all covered in blood which dripped from the wound from the cut over the left eye. Allen's whole body started to tremble uncontrollably, because the boy ....... was he himself!!!

The boy grinned in an inhuman, demoniacal kind of way, and murmured with shining hatred in the voice: "If you didn't kill my father, why are you so messy?? Do you not want to help the poor child who has lost his father .... his family??? " Allen's face put his face in his blood covered hands. "In the end ... it was you who has killed him, was it not?? Exactly how your own father ....... you murderer!!!!"

Allen reeled back and whispered, "I... I am no murderer, I loved him .... I loved Mana ...... "

"Oh? Then what's that on your hands? " the little boy smiled and cruel pleasure resonated in his voice. Allen lowered his hands and looked out them ...... and couldn't hold in a shout. Blood flowed out from his hands, ran about his skin and dripped onto the ground where it formed a dark pool which became slowly bigger.

// Nnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooo!!!!! //

"Allen!! Hey Allen!! What's wrong?! " Rabi's dismayed voice suddenly penetrated Allen's yelling. After the other boy had spoken, Allen went stiff like a statue and moved no more. Suddenly, he couldn't hold back another shout. It echoed loudly and piercingly, and reflected his horror.

Rabi graspd his shoulder and shook him violently, calling his name. Allen broke loose and fell to ground, tripped and swayed several times when he he stood, then ran away.

" Shit, where are you going? What's wrong with you?! " Rabi shouted, still behind Allen. He cursed and looked back to the child again and stared. // What has happened to Allen?? Why he has reacted like this ?? // he thought, then he murmured "Damn!" and chased after his friend, with renued vigor.

It began to rain.

The water ran over Allen's face, flowing through and around his hair. He ran in the paled light of the evening lanterns through the streets and lanes, without taking into consideration passers-by who shouted curses and furious statements after him.

Everything became blurry, until nothing was recognizable, when tears began to flow.

Then, he bumped into a passer-by and fell, injuring his hand on the , he stared at the resigning blood, while in his head the words of the boy echoed over and over again, relentlessly and cruelly, disdainfully and brutally, knives boring at his heart and tearing it up.

// You have killed your father and mine .... you have killed them .... you murderer .... // Allen sobbed convulsively and clasped his bleeding hand to his chest.

Was he really a murderer? Had he not killed Mana just because he had become an Akuma? And weren't his last words 'I love you' ......?

The mumbles of some people who had paused when he had fallen down startled him.

" Do you see this boy ...... why is he sitting on the ground?? And the hair .... it's intirely white!! "

"There, see his face .... there is a gigantic scar, its a curse!! A bad omen ...."

The words met him like lashes, reeling he rose again and ran further through the streets, until he came, to a narrow, dark lane in a more desolate part of the town where he slowly sank on the wall, laid his head on his knees and cried.


	2. Search in the night

Slowly the night fell over the city. Wind swept through the lanes, striking the loose shutters back and forth, only a few people were outside, walking under their umbrellas. A figure pressed against windows and called at the few passersby, a black umbrella in his hand. He splashed through puddles and dirty water, calling over and over: "Allen! Allen, where are you?!" Rabi called in despair.

He had alrady been searching for two hours, and he had still found no trace of the white-haired Englishman. The worry over the pale boy, clawed painfully at his heart, causing him to become more and more nervous. With impatient countenance, he wiped a strand of his luxurious red hair out of his eye and ran further along the lanes. "Seems like I have to change my method. ...... " he mumbled and ran on to a group of chatting women, their pockets loaded with purcheses.

"Excuse me ladies, I don't want to disturb you, but have you seen a white-haired boy? He is about four eight and has a noticeable scar over his left eye." Rabi knew a person asking for information should ask politely and charmingly in order to obtain success. The women stopped walking and exchanged surprised looks. "Just let me know and I'll be on my way. " said Rabi and flashed his charming smile.

He wanted to scream "Hurry! I don't have all day!!" but he forced to remain silent. If Allen had run by here, it would be best to ask the people walking should know if a strange person had run by.

"Well, three hours ago there was a crowd of people, quite small, otherwise nothing too memorable. Did the boy you are looking for stay long? " A round woman with browny hair asked,meeting Rabi's gaze.

" You should ask Pat , young man", a gray-haired old woman with a shrill voice interfered," He's always around the market place. " she said, blowing her nose.

"Where can find I this Pat? " Rabi pressed and tried to suppress his impatience. Finally some useful information!

"Well he hangs around the pub, that dirty beggar, he probably swipes at harmless people at the pub and takes the money right out of their pockets!"she scolded and the other women nodded approvingly. Rabi, feeling very thankful raced to the Pub, which was called "The Golden Bear".

Yet as he sprinted that way, suddenly a voice he knew too well sounded in his head: // Are you sure that...beggar has got useful information? Why do you race everywhere and get so excited over this white-haired brat? //

"Shut up." Lavi croaked in reply and ran further through the dirty lanes.

//Oh? It is not your task to seek for crying little boys that can't bear to get their hands dirty! He should not have become an exorcist if gets so upset over these things! You will be the future Bookman so you shouldn't take the time to help the useless brat! //

"Shut up!" Lavi hissed through the teeth, but the voice didn't stop, instead going further, mocking and disdainful: //Therefore you seek him further because he is your. ...."friend "? You know that he is only ink on the paper, you will leave him evetually! Or do you seek him because you feel more than. ....."friendship" for him? //

" SHUT UP!! " Lavi screamed and forced the voice to the corner of his mind. Several people, that went past stared at him, and an old woman in front of him crossed the street quickly so that she would not be mistaken for associating with a crazy.

As much as Lavi wanted to deny it, the voice had touched a sore point inside him. A Bookman was not allowed to have friends, and yet he had laughed and spoke, fought and cried with Allen, Linalee, Kanda and the other members of the order (except Kanda, Lavi had never seen the samarui cry or laugh.)

But Allen... Since their first meeting, he saw him somehow differently, and although it would shock Allen, Lavi loved and didn't desire him. Allen's behavior; his smile, how he laughed. His delicate lips and and narrow face. His slim body, that sometimes looked so fragile. His soft, snow white hair, making him look like an angel and his silver-gray eyes that had seen so much, too much, but nevertheless always shone with warmth and kindness. Even his pain over the Akuma souls, that no other Exorcist had felt, Lavi loved in him.

It was something that Lavi wanted to hide, because he already had broken a much more important rule than that of friendship: A Bookman was not permitted to love. Lavi tossed the rule over and over in his mind and ran further through the rubbish in the street.

In front of him, the dirtily yellow sign of the tavern " The Golden Bear" lit up. According to the shabby facade a guest stayed very rarely here, but Lavi knew better: such a store was a popular meeting place for thieves, drug salesman and other riff-raff that completed its not so legal businesses. And this was also the place where hopefully the beggar Pat was to be found.

A small bell sounded when Lavi stepped into the smoky store, and he had to suppress a cough as the stale smell of beer got into his nose, it stuck everywhere and burned. Lavi headed for the polished counter, behind it a fat man in an apron cleaned a glass with a greasy rag.

The man examined him from above until he growled: "No alcohol for children under eighteen years! "

"I don't want to order!" Lavi replied with a laboriously controlled voice. For less than eighteen year-old children?! He would shove this fat guy's greasy rag into his mouth, he already was eighteen! "Is there a man around by the name of Pat?" he asked, trying to hold back his rage.

The man nodded and pointed behind himself into the kitchen. "At the rear exit. On Fridays the beggars always get there the remainders out of the kitchen, Pat should be there".

"Thanks" Lavi replied hasty and pushed into the kitchen, which was smelled strongly of soot and fat. At the rear exit, two kitchen helpers distributed bowls with steaming soup, that was snathed greedily by several men in ragged clothing.

Lavi tapped one of the helper on the shoulder, it was a thin girl with a pale face and freckles, who jumped and nearly let the bowl fall. " Ooh, uh, i-i'm sorry" she stammered , while balancing the soup.

" Don't worry" smiled Lavi," I only wanted to ask, which one of these men is Pat?" "Uhm..ahm...t-the man over there at the wall with the dog" she said and blushed.

Lavi hastened over to an old man with messy gray hair, wearing a patched coat, who sat at the wall and was eating his bowl of soup. Next to him, a disheveled, black and white dog cowered, that was also eating soup .

"Are you Pat?" Lavi asked him.

The man looked at Lavi, distrust evident in his gaze and asked: " What do ya want? Are you one of the police? I stole nothing! "

"No, I would like to ask you something ".

"Aahh!" The man grinned and brown dentures was exposed and missing teeth." What da ya want to know then of the old Pat? Anything lost? Are you interested in one of the distinguished ladies? Or do you want to know something over the next city advice session"?

"None of those." Lavi shook his head. " I.....well, do you saw perhaps some time ago a boy with white hair? He has a noticeable scar in the face, he is wearing a black coat,too."

"Hhmm......" Pat wrinkled his forehead and considered, then suddenly his eyes lit up. "Aaahh, I've got it! " he called, "The one you were looking for, I thought it was a girl. ..Well, about three and a half hours ago...", he went on and pinched the bridge of his nose in thought," Yes three and a half hours ago, I was at the market place ,when suddenly a boy with white hair stumbled and fell on the ground."

"He looked distorted, and lost and many people were staring at him because of the scar and his hair. .... the people naturally think of witchcraft and demons, pah, superstitious pack!"

Contemptuously, he spat on the ground."I considered it first to be' n girl, had a rather pretty face. ...after that he stood up and kept running...." Here Pat paused and took a swallow of soup" "I'll etll what what direction the boy ran in, but... "

"But?!" pressed Lavi impatiently, anxious to get to Allen.

"But that gonna cost ya." grinned the old man. Lavi sighed and pulled a coin from his pocket, then threw it to the man. "Thousand thanks to, young man." laughed Pat and pocketed the coin. "There now, that boy disapeared down Valienser Street, not very far from here, the fourth lane on the left side of the this street, northeasternly of here, if I ... remember correctly."

"Thanks!" called Lavi and sprinted in the direction the old man had told him. "One, two, three.........four! " he mumbled as he past by the different streets.

Nervously, he stepped slowly into the dark lane while the wind blew against his back and rain drops ran down his coat, in spite of the umbrella. What would he do if Pat had lied? Or if the old man had confused Allen with someone others? Perhaps there were other white-haired boys in the city with a scar in the face. ..... What would he do if Allen was no longer there?

The lane was very narrow, no windows led outside, only a couple trashcans stood at the right hand wall. An overpowering smell sweat and urine was in the air, that was only in part washed away by the clean smell of the rain.

Lavi stepped further into the lane and tried to see Allen through the rain. He was able to recognize something dark in the corner, but it could have been just another trashcan.

Carefully, Lavi went further and as he got closer he was able to see a cowering form, hood up, hugging its knees and trembling. Quiet, rough sobbing came of it, and it seemed like this person had been sitting here and crying for a while.

"Allen? " Lavi ventured quietly. The shape at the ground jumped slightly and slowly looked upward.

It was Allen! None of his clothes had remained dry, his hair hungs in his face, glued to his forehead. The young Exocist's eyes were red and swollen, and tears were still running down his cheeks. However, in the next moment he hastily wiped at his face with his sleeve.

"Lavi.....?" his voice was rough and barely functioning.

Lavi started dumbly at him and then managed to ask: "Why are you crying? Is it because of what the boy said to you? "

"I-i'm not crying, its just the rain!" the british boy lied and stood up." It's nothing. ........" He mumbled, exausted. He felt so tired and his heart was so empty. What should he tell Lavi?

Lavi stood there with the umbrella in hishand and examined him silently, his lone green eye focused on him. Yet suddenly he let the umbrella fall, wrapped his arms around Allen and knocked him against the wet wall. "

Uurgh! "with a painful jerk Allen crashed against the wall, his hood sliding down. He couldn't see for a second.

In the next moment, he sensed something warm and soft pressing against his lips and tore open his eyes. Lavi pressed Allen's left arm against the wall while wrapping his other hand around Allen's waist and kissed him roughly.

"Ngghh...La- " Allen was cut of the middle of the sentence, because Lavi took advantage of his open mouth and let his tongue glide over Allen's moist lips to venture between them into his mouth.

Lavis head was blank, all restraint had disappeared. Allen was all he could think now, and here and now. Greedily he explored the sweet intoxicating taste of the drug that was Allen's body, which only increased his desire.

The small boy was not able to suppress a groan. Rabi's tongue smoothed over his own, went over the gums and excited his lips with fast, wild pushes. Allen gasped, the world seemed to speed up and his heartbeat seemed to increase by hundreds of beats.

Lavi couldn't stop, Allen was like a sweet, forbidden fruit, he wasn't able to resist it, his body didn't allow him to stop. Lavi's hand skimmed lower, running over Allen's lap and jumped to the buttons of his coat, almost tearing it open and slipping his hands under the shirt.

His hands were everywhere, stroking all across his chest and playing with a nipple. Then he stroked over Allen's back and glided under the material of Allen's pair of pants.

"A-ahh.... "Allen groaned up and pressed with the free hand against Rabis chest, his senses whirred. "Stop, p-please... ". He didn't know what would happen if Lavi continued.......... "Stop it!!" with a violent push he knocked Lavi away from him The red-head stumbled back and seemed like he woke from a trance, his chest lifted and sank in a quick rhythm.

Allen hugged himself, breathing heavily heavily breathing hands and pulled his coat closed again. He stared at Lavi with wide silver-gray eyes, his pale cheeks stained red.

There were no other sounds except for the fast breathing of both of the Exocists, both breathing heavily.

Lavi forcully pulled his eyes from Allen's and sank to the ground, grasping the umbrella to the point of breaking it. He seemed to recover after a while and stood, face still blank with shock and horror. "Come" he said, so softly Allen could barely hear him. "We need to get back to the hotel. We have to go back to the headquarters tomorrow".

Without waiting for an answer, he seized the pale boy's hand and pulled him under the umbrella. Together, they walked silently through the wet streets, rain still clattering on the umbrella. Past stores, backyards and lanes, past the few remaining people on the streets.

Thoughts besieged Allen's head, hammered into his skull and didn't let him rest. Had Lavi really just kissed him? And hadn't he wanted. ...more? Or was that all that just confused memories of his past-haunted head? A product of his imagination?

Lavi's hot tongue that smoothed over his lips and investigated his mouth....his searching hand, that slowly traveled down his back .....Allen blushed, his entire body seemed to heat itself in the memory of Lavi's touch.

And Lavi still held Allen's hand, his warmth felt wonderful on his cold hand......

___________________________________________________________________________

so, here are my first words to my fans.....

first i am so,so sorry for being so late !!! please don't blame me for that !!! *hides behind her desk*

i hope you liked this chapter, this time it contains more shonen-ai...

did you like the scence ?? was it hot enaugh ??? you can always tell me ideas of you, maybe that could help me ^^

but shouldn't we ask Lavi and Allen how they liked it ???

me: Well, how did you liked it ??

Lavi: Frankly i didn't liked it...why the hell didn't you let us finish what we started ?!

i still wanted to touch Allens *beeeeeep* and *beeeeeeep* !!!!! (i am totally sorry for his pervert mind)

Allen: *blushing* You pervert, you just wanted to ...to..... uuuhh....*gets even more red*

Lavi: Spilt it out my sweet darling !

Allen: Stop calling me that !! you just wanted to do...aah,you know what i mean, but you really have no guilty,

i felt so confused and tired !!!

Lavi: Aaaaaah, come on Allen-chan, i know you liked it....*grinning*

just remember how you panted and moaned.........

Allen: *freaks out* S-stop talking about it !!!!

*Allen and Lavi starts fighting *

me: And here we go...^^"

_**Special thanks goes to my dear,poor Beta-reader DGMfreak5 , i know its difficult to correct my stupid story while you have school and a lot of work !!!!**_

**And of course to all my readers:**

** xbleedinglotusx, **_** Aion Laven Walker, eMi to mAo 374 **_

and ...well,i don't want to force you, but you would make very happy if you review ^^


	3. Chapter 3

The brightly enlightened hotel box appeared to two soaked exorcists like a welcome.

In Allens head it still rumbled when they entered the small apartment. Together he and Rabi hung up her dripping wet coats, then they were confronted in silence. The silence extended like chewing gum, nobody knew what he should say.

Allens heart beat like madly: // Stay calm, maybe you have has even pretended it. In the end, you were quite confused.... I must have caught something a bit outdoors, but I could not think up in such a way, such a thing mad, exactly!! My brain has completely been befogged by the fever, it cannot be different at all!!! // he thought slightly panic. Nevertheless, in addition, it was only Lavi, condemns once more!// Lavi cleared his throat, coughed, then he moved up to Allen who still murmured to himself, and glided him softly, almost playfully over the wet cheek, wiped aside a humid strand . Allen, sly from his weird thoughts, became stiff as a poker before fright. Lavis touches sent him a shower down the back, his body got cold and at the same time burning hotly. " You should better take a shower, you are soaped up to the bones. You were hours there outdoors in the rain! " Lavi meant and then grinned broadly. However, then he suddenly became red as if he seemed to have remembered something, and turned away in a hurry. Nearly he would have said according to what he had thought: // Let us go together under the shower and ... //, nevertheless, he had been able to bite on time his tongue. Involuntarily the image of him and Allen climbed up in him together under the shower, his hands glided about his naked, wet back and walked slowly further, while they kissed each other wildly and passionately.... In a hurry he suppressed this image. He and his perverted mind!! Allen looked to him confused with pulled up eyebrow. Then he nodded halting, the idea of taking a shower now was tempting, after he had been out before in the flowing rain all the time, the hot water would be good for him.

He ran in the bedroom where he was confronted with a new problem: There was only one single double bed what signified necessarily that he would have to sleep with Lavi in a bed.

How should he stand it to lie beside Lavi in the bed, after they had kissed each other?!

With glowing head Allen rose under the shower and turned up the water. While the hot water on his naked body beat and slowly warmed up him, he tried to order his thoughts: // W-well, Lavi has kissed me ... // (Once more he became hot what only completely lay on the water !) // D-does mean that Lavi....likes me? How should I react then when we go to bed?! He has never behaved differently towards me, otherwise .... maybe it was also my mistake, could have been a provided now ......., however, what I should do? //

Completely confused Allen leaned his head against the tiles in the shower, then he scrubbed his hair and body a little more violently than urgently to deflect himself at least a little and to think of something else. When he stepped then on the narrow hall, with slightly humid hair, but cleanly and fragrant, he noticed amazedly that all was dark, nowhere where light burning in the apartment.

„Lavi? " Also in the small kitchen the light was off, and, otherwise, there was only the bath from where he had just come and the bedroom. Had Rabi possibly already gone to bed? Slowly he shut to the bedroom and noted that the door was open. He swallowed nervously and peered carefully in the room, however, could recognize only shadowy the outlines of the pieces of furniture. Wasn't there someone lying there in the bed? He still went some steps further to the room around of being better able to see than suddenly abruptly beside him a figure appeared which grabbed him with one hand and suppressed with the other one Allens scream. // A burglar?! How he has walked in here, the door was never open at all!! // Panicly he thrashed around to escape from the clutch of the man, however, instead of causing something he was pushed on the bed. With a soft thud he landed on the mattress and felt the body of the man about himself how he pressed his wrists the bed, his hot breath glided over his face. Allen tried to shout for help, however, once more a hand lay down over his mouth to prevent any noise. " Mmmpf!!! " Wildly he thrashed around to get the man off him, he turned and writhed with all strength to escape. The last thing what he wanted was being violated at this day!! At the next moment he felt the hand of the man moving and winced frightened in expectation of a blow. However, the hand lay down only softly on his forehead and he heard a voice whispering: „ Schhhh, quite Allen, its me!" Completely amazedly he stopped to resist and asked confused in the darkness: „ Lavi? " After Allen had come over his first frights they sat together on the bed. " Sorry, I did not want to frighten you so ", said Lavi and scratched his head sheepishly. " Its o.k., I was only a bit frightened .... you have thrown me off my guard...... " Allen answered and smiled weakly. With furrowed forehead Lavi looked at him and let his look wander over his face, scrutinized him exactly. Slightly confused Allen stared at him and asked: " Is something there in my face or thus? Nevertheless, I was just in the shower two minutes ago. " Repulsing Lavi lifted his hands and shook the head. " It wasn't that" answered the redhead and said: „ I only wanted.... " nevertheless, then he paused. Questioningly the white haired Englishman looked at him. " You still haven't said it to me....... Why have you run away at that time after the Akumattack we found the boy? What was it he has said to you and why have you reacted so strangely? " Allen was solidified, startled that Lavi asked him about it. " This plays no role, it was not important " he lied and tried to hide the shivering of his his head the grinning, distorted face of the boy appeared once more and he heard his voice whispering in his thoughts: // murderer ... you have killed your own father, nevertheless .... you murderer .......... someone like you should simply also die, don't you think? // Convulsively he shook his head around to ignore the thought that suddenly arrived, however, it was useless, the recollection didn't let him go, echoed over and over again painfully in his head.

He still trembled, he simply couldn't calm down. Lavi stared at him, then he reached for his arm and pulled him to himself, so near that Allen could feel his warmth at his back. " W-what are you doing, let me go!! " Allen writhed back and forth and tried to hectically free himself of him, however, uselessly, Rabis clutch was hard and unyielding. Instead of giving Allens thrashing about he pulled him up even closer to himself and tied his arms firmly round him. With an amazed sound Allen was pulled and now sat narrowly nestled in Lavis body. The heart of the Englishman hit like mad, creeps ran down his back, let him tremble. Lavi was so close to him that he felt his hot breath in his ear.......

The fact that he practically sat on his shoot sat didn't help him calm down also really. Shaking he sat there, his cheeks colored in radiant red. „? Do I get one more answer or do you want to stay down the whole night thus with me? " asked Lavi and looked him deeply into the eyes. However, the white haired exorcist couldn't, didn't want say, silently he looked along Lavi. Seconds became minutes, stretched longer and longer, he already believed to not getting an answer anymore to agree and already wanted to let Allen go when he suddenly said with a quiet voice: „ It was ...... because of Mana ". Amazedly Lavi looked at him and let this information seep in his head, then he wrinkled the forehead. What had this to do with the boy they had met? „ Mana .... your stepfather ..., however, what has that to do that with the boy whom we have met? I do not understand that completely ... " Allen let his head sink, strands of hair hid his silver eyes. „ What the boy has said ... this has reminded me again. Since I am in the order, I was so happy since long no more, I found friends there, could release countless Akuma ...., however, all that has allowed me to forget this thought, this one truth: the fact that I am a murderer ". His voice trembled, erratic he stroked himself the hair from the face and looked at Lavi, the silver-grey star eyes fullly with infinite pain and desperation. „ How could i only?! How could I forget this?! I live happily before myself and act thus as I am absolutely innocent, how every normal person!! But this is not right at all!! " a hysterical, cheerless laughter shook him, watered with pure selfhatred, „ I may still have released a lot of Akuma, it doesn't bring anything, the blood of my only father sticks to my hands! My whole existence is cursed, I am drawn! I will never forgive myself to kill Mana, the only one who has me, after I was left by my parents, has taken up! He has loved me! And I .... and I thereby owe it to him that i killed him ...... at the moment when he could have live again....... i-i only wanted to hold his hand, only one time! The boy was right, nevertheless, such like me ... s-such like me should simply die!! If I just had been killed by Mana!! I don't earn to live.... " his voice fallowed, rough and hoarse from the wine, his body was shaken by sobbing. // I just want to die .... // he thought exhausted. Two warm hands reached for his chin and at the next moment soft, full lips lay on his. His big eyes widened as he directly looked into Lavis face who kissed him fully on the mouth, gray was reflected in green. He cramped as something wet glided over his lips and easily opened the mouth as it pressed between then, slowly rubbed itself against his tongue. Then their mouths separated, Allen stepped back and stared at Rabi distraughtly. „ Y-you have just kissed me!! Wh-why?! Why did you do this?! " The redhead fixed him with a strange look the other exorcist couldn't indicate. Compassion? Refusal? After what did it looked then? " he asked quietly, otherwise, without the usual happy grin adorning his lips. " Uhm... " Allen faltered and became burning red what should he answer then?! He told to one of his friends what depressed him and at the next moment said one kissed him (already) again! Nevertheless, he didn't got around making a clear answer, because the other pressed him already again in the mattress and opened his mouth with his tongue, kissed him wildly, his hands glided over his whole body and investigated him, over gliding over his hips to go then to his chest. " Nnghh!! " Allen groaned involuntarily as Lavis finger started to play in a shameless way with his nipples, he thrashed around violently and pushed him of himself. „Wh-what should that, Lavi?!„Without paying attention to the question of the white haired Lavi pulled him up again to him, pressed him, nevertheless, only close to himself. Softly he stroked over Allens wet cheeks, tracing with the thump after the tracks of tears . Amazedly Allen kept still and looked at him confused. Quite a while long Lavi just stroke over his cheek, then buried his face (which let Allen blush once more) in Allens soft hair and sighed. Completely confused the exorcist simply kept still, now he finally knew no more what he should do. Besides .... somehow Lavis stroking worked reassuringly on him. Lavi pressed his head in that of the other, smelled in his hair and sighed once more. „ Listen ", he said, in the end, seriously, without any game. The exorcist winced, nevertheless, remained close with Lavi when he continued: „ I don't know how else i should express it, but .... I am sorry. I am sorry that I was so blind! I knew about it,what has happened between you and Mana at that time, you have told it to us yourself. But nobody has thought that it could still load you that it still torments you. You were so quiet as you said, although you looked a little bit sadly ......, nevertheless, nobody could anticipate, how deep the wounds in your heart still were , they have barely healed, am i right? Every word that we have pulled you out of your mouth about Mana and you told only after some hesitation, allowed your wound to bleed anew, the thin scurf that grew over it again torn open. And even though ... " Rabis voice became quieter, accepted a new untertone, „ And, nevertheless, you have always smiled, your beaming smile. This was also the first thing i noticed which stood out on you.... We fought, we laughed, we talked in the order.... I knew, you were only a figure in my recordings as a Bookman, you would die probably soon. But I had you and other for a long time, i no longer saw you like that, you became my comrades! But you .... you were different anyhow for me.... First I thought would be a sort of a brother's instinct, the will to protect you, but then I recognized the truth .... and i'm sorry that I am so selfish! I know that nobody else could take Manas place in your heart, but i don't require to simply substiute him of you. Not even a little bit ....... I cannot bring him back to you, I cannot take your sins away you do not want to throw down. Everything what I am able to do is to let you forget everything with Mana for just a night, one single night.... " Silently Allen stared at him, he could barely believe what he had just heard, he felt as if his head would burst immediately. He felt again like that at the time when he lived on the street, ejected, alone, nobody who cared about him. Now he felt as helplesslyas much as that time, the desire for Manas hand was overpowering. But Mana was no longer there. Slowly he lifted his gaze and looked at Lavi,who relpied it, quietly and seriously. „ I have one question, only just one ", Allen whispered and looked at him. „Why? Why do you want to do that for me? " „Why? Is this not obvious? " Lavi asked, light grief in his voice, „ Because I love you ", he simply answered and softly took his head in his hands, carefully he laid his lips on Allens, and this time, this time he didn't push him away him.

In his head everything turned, he felt dizzy by of the mess of his feelings, it was like he got drunken of Lavis words, and with a fierceness which was hidden before deeply in his internal one and which surprised him himself, he responed Lavis kiss. They sank back on the bed, no words needed to be explained anymore, their bodies spoke for them. Allen was lost in Lavis arms, his kisses, his hands moving over his body, investigated him, every centimeter of his now bathed in sweat skin let him give a loud groan, asking for more, until he was filled up till bursting with nothing but with this intoxicating new sensation, wild, impetuous desire, the first that he had ever felt. One piece of clothing after the other was stripped, naked skin rubbing on each other, their bodies melted with each other in burning intensity. Lavis lips lay hotly down on his skin, wild desire as he took his manhood into his mouth, his excitement increased. Even the pain wen Lavi was entering him was welcome, everything was forgotten about a man called Mana, he wanted to drown in the fire lake of his body, filled up till cracking with Lavi. And he died, really died as Lavis pushes let his body shiver, exploding when he hit his climax with the red haireds last push, pulling Lavi with him over the railroad tie, expelling a shout of pure Exstase and everything disappeared in a brilliant white light. Hardly breathing they lay on top of each other, slowly Lavi stood up and slidout of him, sinking back in the mattress and gently taking Allen into his arms. Narrow nestled to each other they slowly drifted into sleep. This night no nightmare about what had happened back then expected Allen, sweet, warm darkness received him, wrapped on him up to the next morning, in the head still Lavis last murmured sentence: „ I love you, Allen ". He would never again have to be afraid of the recollections, because now he had again somebody who would hold him in the arms, sweet, drunken being love in his heart.

* * *

whee, so that was the end of my first story here.........

uhm, i hope you aren't mad at me because it took me so long to put that chapter on..

frankly i already had it in german but i was too lazy to translate it, so please forgive me and my lazy minf -_-" waaaaah, and stop throwing shoes at me!!! *dodging other flying things*

i am really sorry !!!!

Well, after all i would be very happy to know what do you think about the end ^^

too cheesy ? Stupid?? could be better?? not enaugh smut stuff??

to my defense i have to say, at first i wanted to write hot sex between them, but suddenly i didn't dared to...don't know why.........so it became like this, hope you don't mind it 0.0

and about the grammar plus spelling mistakes.....please forgive for that, after all i am just a german girl, so its only natural for me to make them, though i try hard to get better....

if my dear beta reader DGMfreak 5 is reading this, please write me a message and i 'll send it to correct it, o.k.???

so, for the others: **Please review my story!!!!! ^^**

and for the ones who liked my stuff so far: another story is coming uo, but i still need some time to finish it...if you have questions about it, just write me a message!!

your Kamo-chan74


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